Open Letter to the Naked Witch

(I have taken a very long blog break I know, but we had a house guest and the kids have been sick)

Dear Naked Witch,

Let's get a few things straight, there isn't alot we can do to make this "relationship" work. You have a problem with my mere existence based simply on the fact that I have a uterus. Short of my suddenly sprouting a penis, there isn't a damn thing I can do to appease you here. And yes, I am aware of the fact that your family and apparently EVERYONE else that is ever been graced with your presence is supposed to bend over backwards, walk on eggshells and beg your forgiveness for every misstep...I have seen your husband do it, I have seen your children do it, I have even been told that I am supposed to do it. But Sorry lady, that ain't how I roll.

I am all about keeping the peace. I can get along with anyone. But for some reason, I can't get along with you. Maybe that's because you decided to insert yourself in our lives and have decided to not only upset the apple cart, but chuck the damn apples at my head.

You made it obvious to me and to everyone around us that you didn't like me. It must have been the way I look from afar since you obviously weren't basing that on ever having had a conversation with me or even sharing the same air space with me.

I already knew that we weren't going to get along. I already knew that you were going to pull the jealous chick routine. WE ALL KNEW IT. But guess what, short of the fact that this is beginning to upset my kids...I don't care....

My advice to you is to GROW THE F UP! Seriously! Get a life and get over it. But your constant negative attitude is effecting all of us. And seeing as how I don't plan on growing a ball sac or leaving MY group of friends, there is no solution to this "problem" that you have created in your own head and let fester to the point of looking like a junior high zit. GROW UP AND GET OVER IT. No one has the time nor the desire to play your stupid games. This isn't high school or the Great White North. Down here, we do things differently.

And for the love of GAWD, put on some damn clothes.

Thanks
The Spitting Lima Bean Crew